July 1 is a day dedicated to celebrating the birth of Canada as an independent country. But Her Majesty’s Canadian S@*& has learned that the vast majority of Americans refuse to celebrate the holiday.
According to a recent poll, more than 99 per cent of American citizens don’t celebrate Canada Day.
“Canada Day?” said Joe Montgomery, average American. “Why would I celebrate that? I’m not Canadian.”
“Look at me. Do I look like I eat french fries covered in gravy and cheese? No, sir. I eat mashed potatoes covered in gravy and cheese.”
“This is an outrage,” said NDP leader Jack Layton upon learning the news. “This is just another example of the United States trying to steal Canadian sovereignty. I suppose next they won’t celebrate Boxing Day either.”
When questioned, most Americans said they preferred to celebrate another holiday, called Independence Day, on July 4.
Independence Day, the celebrations for which put most Canada Day festivities to shame, has little to do with the 1996 movie of the same name.
Layton said that he intends to introduce a new bill when the House sits again in September that would make Canada Day an American national holiday.
The bill has already been defeated.
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